New Fun Bonanza Amusement Awesomeness Land!

Great news, everyone!

I am starting an amusement park in my own house, and everyone will love it! It is called:

TINKERTOWN!!!!!!!

Doesn't that sound fun? It makes me sad that the <blink> tag is deprecated, because I really think it's appropriate here. Anyway, TINKERTOWN is perfect for the whole family, with exciting activities for all ages! If you love taking things apart and jiggling handles and doing strange things to power cords with painter's tape just to make appliances continue to work properly, TINKERTOWN is the place for you!

First, dive into Dishwasher Depths! When a dishwasher has two filters that need to be cleaned regularly, it makes perfect sense to make them as inaccessible as possible, so we need YOU, intrepid explorer, to navigate through several levels of increasingly difficult panel removal! Beware: this is the only time in your life you will ever need a Torx screwdriver*, so get ready for a detour to the hardware store if you're caught unprepared. You will also be faced with a critical choice: do you wear gloves and risk dropping tiny screws in ridiculous crevices, or do you forgo hand protection and let all that gross stuff touch your actual skin? When you finally reach the final stage, race to remove all the variously textured substances before the urge to barf overtakes you! Participants are allowed to pause the adventure twice during the final battle -- first to start a blog post, and then to wash their hands fifty times and think about how no one appreciates what they do. Before you reassemble all the panels, make sure you find the toothpick in the food grinder! There is always a toothpick in there!

The excitement continues as you venture into the icy realm of Freezer Fantasia! First, it's a heart-pumping physical challenge as you go down to the circuit breaker in the basement, turn off what you think is the switch for the refrigerator based on what someone wrote on the box illegibly in pencil fifty years ago, run back upstairs, find out that was the wrong switch, run back downstairs, and try again! Then, exercise those Tetris skills as you try to fit everything that's in the freezer into a tiny cooler! Is the fun over? No! Now, it's a race against the clock as you get out your trusty hair dryer and try to melt the ice dam in the drain hole beneath the bottom panel of this supposedly modern, frost-free appliance before the stuff that wouldn't fit in the cooler hits the Food Temperature Danger Zone! Finally, put everything back in the freezer and go down to the basement to turn the circuit breaker back on. Just make sure you don't remember to relabel the circuits! It would ruin the fun three months from now when water starts dripping into the fridge and it's time to do it all again!

Visitors young and old will love the mini-games scattered throughout the park:

• Reset the Modem
• Jiggle the Toilet Handle
• Turn the Power Adapter Plug Back and Forth Just the Right Way in the Jack to Get it Working Again Because Someone Bumped It Earlier
• Reach Into the Toilet Tank and Put the Flapper Back on its Stupid Useless Hinge Nubs
• Google the Error Code

(Unfortunately, our Seattle location, unlike our previous Rhode Island facility, does not offer Hotwire the Boiler)

Come on down to TINKERTOWN! Admission will be super cheap! Make your reservations now!

*You will actually need two Torx screwdrivers.