Exceeding Expectations

I finally figured something out. I actually figured it out a few weeks ago, but pretend I just figured it out today, because that makes this post seems much more timely.

So, and this is directed at moms in particular, you know how when a dad does something relating to the care of his own child and manages to pull it off without somehow putting the baby in the dishwasher or blinding himself with talcum powder, and this competence is witnessed by a woman, he is treated as some sort of wondrous miracle man, superior to all others in talent and capacity for caring? And then you think, Hey, I take TWO KIDS to the grocery store BY MYSELF every week and no one gives me a damn medal? And then you feel all misunderstood and taken for granted and gender inequity and male-dominated hegemony and yes I did go to Brown?

I think -- and correct me if I'm wrong, guys -- men might know how that feels. Just a little bit.

The answer: Pilot lights. And wiper blades.

There were several repairmen in and out of the house today responding to such fatal-sounding events such as a gas leak and a failure of our water heater and boiler to vent exhaust anywhere but back into the basement. Maybe they just all had a flair for the dramatic, but there was a gas smell and it did happen that the gas chimney was full of decroded flue tiles instead of not being full of anything, so their stories seem plausible. Anyway, when the chimney guy came, he did his thing and then asked whether I was going to call the gas company back to turn the appliances back on. Me: "No." He looks dubious. Me: "All they did was shut the gas valves and turn off the pilots. I know how to light the pilots."

And there it was. A look, a surprised noise. He was impressed. I was a true handywoman, with skills far surpassing any other female. Because I knew how to turn the little knob and push the button on the water heater according to the instructions which are written right there on the actual water heater. And if there had been another guy there, I bet it would have ticked him off. Maybe he would think, Dude, I can light a pilot with an actual MATCH while building a playset from scrap wood and jacking up the first floor of my house. * What I didn't tell the chimney cleaner was that I not only light pilots, I also replace faulty thermopile generators, with a soldering iron and everything. And I know THAT'S badass.

I got the same accolades a few months ago when I got some new wiper blades at Pep Boys and installed them myself in the parking lot. A random passerby told me how nice it was to see a woman installing her own wiper blades. But... they SNAP ON.

So there's the symmetry I'd been missing. Men are heroes for changing a diaper instead of doing something weird with duct tape, and women are heroes for igniting pilot lights instead of paying a plumber $60 to do it. But maybe that's because most of us are nervous about doing that stuff because an entire other gender will tell us we're doing it wrong. Well, some things are almost impossible to screw up. So! Men, get out there and change those nappies! Women, learn to push that switch on the water heater! COMPETENCE HO! You can do it. And someday, just maybe, no one will be impressed.

On the other hand, that doesn't sound like any fun.



*All things that my husband has done. But not simultaneously.